I had hidden hurts, but nobody noticed. At age 42 I had been diagnosed with Rosacea, an “incurable,” disfiguring, facial skin disease, and more than 50 doctors told me I would never heal. All people saw was my face, and not the workaholic and emotional issues beneath the surface.
As a corporate problem solver, I was unwilling to accept that anything was incurable, especially my face. I liquidated all my assets to fund my holistic course of action. Yet after years of searching my face was even more twisted, raw, and red, and I lanced boils daily. My eyesight weakened to the point I no longer drove or read. As I continued to get worse, I became more doubtful about my search for healing.
In the seventh year I met a Korean doctor who diagnosed me differently from all the others. The disease, he believed, wasn’t just on my face. My natural biological rhythms were no longer in harmony, and my face was a direct reflection of my stressed organs. He noticed other symptoms of exhaustion, including an internal uncomfortable quiver and knot in my stomach, cold hands and feet, varied body temperature, and shallow breathing with chest pains. My body felt lifeless and frail.
He said I must find peace within at whatever the price. This request sounded easy, but learning to accept my face vs. cursing it, and to do only those things that brought me joy were a big stretch. I hadn’t experienced having a quiet mind and body for years! I started emotional therapy, first addressing the fears that had consumed me since my diagnosis, and then going further back into my past. I began to face my work addiction. I was a workaholic and had an inability to recognize or admit a destructive behavior. Denying stress and personal needs had become a way of life. My false feeling of worthiness and internal need to always be needed had pushed this addiction forward. I had served others for years at my own expense until my body as my friend stopped me. Therapy convinced me that by holding feelings of sadness, silent anger, fear, and tears inside, I would not be able to heal from the disease. By sharing my story over and over and releasing my pent-up emotions and destructive patterns, I started to heal.
A miracle took place. I healed physically in one year with no scars, and my eyesight returned. I felt the shift that took place inside, and positively knew I was not in “remission” as my friendly doctors told me.
If I had been able to have a “dialog” with my face, what would I have discovered more quickly? Following is a dialogue that might have taken place:
“How does this problem feel inside of you”?
“It’s like a huge lead ball, about 25 pounds, sitting in my stomach. It never goes away”.
“What in your life has to change in order for you to heal”?
“I’m not happy with my situation. I’m overworked, and my husband thinks I should continue to work two jobs to support him while he gets his Master’s degree, while also cooking, cleaning, and washing. I have lost my joy”.
“What do you want to change”?
“I want to create a life of passion and purpose. I want to laugh, dance, sing, feel loved and cherished”!
Imagine if God could have spoken through my intuition, “I need you to stop sacrificing your soul. Anything you accomplish at the expense of your happiness will not be rewarding. Money made from exhaustion instead of love will not stay with you, and you will live in lack.”
Body awareness can be our intuitive teacher, giving us answers for our diagnoses, pains or stresses. We can become as children, visualizing the issue, organ or pain. Then we can playfully dialogue with it, asking, “What are you trying to tell me? What do I need to do to be with you and comfort you? Is there anything or person in my life causing this discomfort? If I do these things, will these issues dissolve into the nothingness from which they came”? Create your own questions. Always go with your first thought and override your rambling mind. Sometimes I draw my issues and journal my answers. Having a helper guide my mind while I close my eyes, relax and go inside has been my own personal best choice.
Once we get answers, it is important to make and keep promises to ourselves if we hope to see results. Dialoging with our bodies is a way of making our joy and health a priority.